Has anyone ever felt the need for soul-searing thought?? ..the need for something awe-inspiring? Something that lingers in your heart and mind for days… Well that’s where I am right now. I can’t seem to shake a feeling of listlessness for the mundane in life. I don’t know if it’s just the winter blues, or simply the fact that I have not had a cleansing cry in a while, but I can’t help but yearn for something extraordinary. I am not really sure what it is that burdens my soul, or even if it’s a God-given desire. It’s almost like feeling unprecedented potential, lost by the passing of time. I’m not one to wax poetic, or even to get too personal on this blog, preferring to stay light, positive, and at most, helpful. But these last two weeks I’ve been feeling restless, and I just can’t help but share.
Don’t get me wrong, during the day I am living life, creating, smiling, laughing, taking-care-of, reacting, all in the usual spirit. It is in the evening hours, when I have time to myself, that these longings hit me.
My eagerness for something thought-provoking often turns me towards books. In the last 2 weeks I have read 4 books. I’m not talking about frivolous mind-numbing quick reads here. I’m talking classics. Eloquent classics. From an early age I held myself to a certain standard when it comes to reading. I refuse to pollute my mind with some of the modern-day garbage that is turned out, full of sensuality, morale disregard, and carnality. Somehow I have always understood the power the written word has in forming mental images and affecting behavior.
Anyways… I find that even my beloved classics can’t stifle my restlessness. I know myself enough to acknowledge that reading is my coping strategy, as is writing. (I have stacks of journals as a testament to this.) So here I am… letting go of my thoughts into blog-land. Why I’m not sure exactly. Maybe its the tiniest pleasure I get in thinking that someone out there might actually sympathize with me, or the tiniest hope that someone may have some words of wisdom to offer. :)
I read somewhere once that our souls are affected subconsciously by the gentle proddings and murmurings of God’s Spirit. So I am left to wonder whether God wants something from me..